Our bald is so damn beautiful.
I'v been mourning the transitioning, damage, minimal growth and eventual loss of my hair for as long as I can remember. My tresses were a burden to be tamed, protected and done, which made loving it damn near impossible. It was a box on my "to-do list" which I would stress checking off, for it was work. My hair never was what I wanted it to be, which was long, shiny, straight and manageable. After all, that's what's beautiful, right?
The summer before I headed off to college, I began a new medication to combat Sickle Cell Anemia, which damaged my hair, causing it to break off. This was the beginning of my short hair journey. I went from shoulder length hair to having an inch on the top, and while this wasn't preferable, I decided to make the best of it. This was the beginning of years of short natural styles- twists, fros, braids, straight and tapered, I wore it all.
I hated them all.
I loved them all.
No matter what I did to my hair, I couldn't obtain any true peace with how I looked. I was in some way settling for what I couldn't ultimately have, which was long full hair. I would grow it, it would break off. I would grow it and medication would take it from me. I would grow it and it would fall out due to stress. I came to the conclusion that I'm not meant to grow hair. No Hair? Don't Care.
But I did care. Greatly. We always want what we don't have. We always crave the status quo. Coveting the meaningless.
Thus I developed a roller coaster of suppressed negative emotions concerning my hair. Until cancer. Until my shiny bald dom meant something, revealing parts of my character that I was incredibly proud of. My bald meant I was strong, enduring physical and mental oppression designed to kill me. It meant I was living, breathing God's air which I was grateful for. It fostered a sense of belonging to a people who were just as wounded as I was, at a time when my experiences felt unique, scary and uncertain. My bald told a story of courage, tenacity, power and inner beauty. It showed the best and worst parts of me. And I loved it for that. I embraced it for that. I was fully aware that my bald allowed me to shine. I was able to see that same shinning in every bald women I encountered, radiating from her to me, warming my very soul.
It took cancer to show me some of the most amazing parts of myself. It took cancer for me to see all the magnificent things God has placed within me. It's as if I was seeing God's presence reflected in my shiny bald head.
So what is reflected in your failures, back fat and addictions?
Do'n' be quick to dismiss, hide, throw away, shame and conceal the very thing that allows both you and God to shine! We are human, which means many times it takes a disaster for us to see the damaged and unwanted parts of us speak to so much more- it's out light. It's our light in a dark place, that has the potential to impact and save lives. Your addiction, failures, divorce, miscarriage, illness, insecurities, regrets- there is something so damn beautiful about it all because it tells a story of where you were, who you are and where you're going. Most of all it shows the world the amazing love, grace, mercy and kindness of our Father, who has carried you through it all.